Introductions

Meet Miss Utah.
She's getting ready to leave her home
and she can't wait to scream
"I'm not living like this anymore."
Meet Miss Scaredy-Cat.
She left her home
and she's screaming
"Where did I go wrong?"
Meet Miss Sleepy-Head.
She misses her boy-that-never-was-hers
and she's screaming
"Don't forget that I loved you!"
Meet Miss Found-Her-Place.
She's in love with her Jesus
and she's screaming
"I made it without you!"

Hesitation in the form of "I don't know"

And this frailty
but we look so strong.
We are so courageous
but only on the outside.
Now tell me where we stand
tell me how we are
baby, tell me all this
and never let me go.
I wanna break out
I want to learn how to live
I want to know who I am
and I want to do this with you right next to me.
I'm not afraid anymore,
this leap turned out better than I thought
and I am still here
still safe.
And this is fear,
but I'm learning to cope.
This is freedom,
my heart is doing okay.

Drops down her back

It's raining outside
and baby, I can see your face.
Will you whisper to me?
Will you hold me in the wet
and kiss me with the drops running down?
It's raining outside
and baby, I miss you.
Will you remember who I am?
Will you cry when you get home
and tell me it will be like you never left?
It's raining outside
and baby, you're back.
But you're not the same.
Where is the boy I fell in love with?
Where is the boy who kissed me in the rain
and told me that our lives would never change?
It's raining outside
and baby, I'm gone.
Don't forget me
but don't hold on for too long.
Stand in the rain without me
and cry just a little.
And I'll do the same for you.

This is only if you really want to know

Will I ever get to the point
that I dont screw myself up anymore?
I know perfect is impossible,
but is decently good
so unattainable?
The worst part
is that I liked it.
And.
On top of that.
I want more.
My life
my life.
Where did everything go?
Where did I go?
Where is everything that I worked for?
Did I really become the failure I was afraid of
and people are just too nice to tell me?
On the outside
I look normal.
But on the inside
I am tangled up.
A mix of different sorts of colors
and songs
and tastes
and smells
and I am not sure that I like the combination.
What if it becomes toxic?
What if I become the killer?

Strange things that I didn't even notice bother me

I hate hate HATE
it when my legs are crossed
and people can see my socks.
What if one of them is a funny
color, or it doesn't match the other?
And I will despise you
if you wrinkle my newly made bed
by sitting on it. Please fix it
if you are going to mess it up.
I hate it when my t-shirt
is just barely too short and it
makes my torso look stunted.
It makes me look like a retard, that is what it does.
I get embarrassed for you
if you don't understand what I am talking about
because I use complex words.
But I wish I didn't have to make myself stupid
to be comprehended.
I think those germ-o-phobic people
are ridiculous.
Humans have been around for ten thousand years.
The germs are not going to kill you.
Not yet.
I guess I am pretty hypocritical
since I am sure everyone else
has bothersome issues
that they too could list.
Oh well.
Hypocrits bother me.

Fanatically.
Fragile.
Fanatically fragile.
Afraid to move.
Afraid to breathe.
Afraid to see the words.
Afraid to be the same.
Afraid to be different.
Who?
What?
When?
Where?
Why?
Too many rules
Too much logic
Too little breath
Too easy. Too hard.
Don't want to use and.
Don't want to know this.
Don't want to hear you.
Repetition.
Enough.
Again.

Free-Verse

Again she sits there contemplating her life.
Again she is organizing her life to try and get it under control.
Again she plugs herself into the iPod to keep the distractions in.
Again she wakes up late.
Again she makes it to school on time.
Again she somehow manages to get everything done.
Again she looks forward to another six hours of 'slacking off' and pushing carts uphill.
Again she drinks another Diet Mountain Dew.
Again she goes to the gym to look shapely in Hawaii.
Again she goes to the tanning salon so the palm tree on her stomach can grow a little paler.
Again she picks up another of her million notebooks.
Again a tear slips out while she is writing.
Again she is foreign to herself.
Again she is afraid.
Again it is her and God flying solo.
Again.

A Sonnet

"Just smile for me." He asks
with that silly look on his face.
I can't-I won't take off my mask
and show you how I feel about this place.
The lights around us have grown dim
and the stars are all we see.
The moon is cradled in his rim
of silver and effervescent glee.
He takes my hands in his
his cold fingers make me shiver.
Tonight we focus on what is
and remember we never say 'don't ever'.
I don't think I'll ever be the same
now that I can't call out his name.