This is only if you really want to know

Will I ever get to the point
that I dont screw myself up anymore?
I know perfect is impossible,
but is decently good
so unattainable?
The worst part
is that I liked it.
And.
On top of that.
I want more.
My life
my life.
Where did everything go?
Where did I go?
Where is everything that I worked for?
Did I really become the failure I was afraid of
and people are just too nice to tell me?
On the outside
I look normal.
But on the inside
I am tangled up.
A mix of different sorts of colors
and songs
and tastes
and smells
and I am not sure that I like the combination.
What if it becomes toxic?
What if I become the killer?