[emotionless]

i'm really trying to convince myself
that the world hasn't completely crashed
and life hasn't completely stopped
and i'm not completely helpless.
but then these moments hit
and i can't breathe
and i'm so terrified that
i feel like i'm drowning
and i don't see how anything will ever
ever be okay again.
i'm worried that i lost out on who i was
and i'm worried that i'll lose out on the person that loved me anyway
but i'm even more worried
that staying with that person would be worse
than trying to pick up pieces and go somewhere else.
i don't know who i am.
i don't know what i want.
i don't know where to go
or what to do
or what to think.
all i do
is cry and wonder what on earth
God is doing up there.

"Be still and know that I am the LORD your God."
"Whether your feet turn to the right or to the left, you will hear a voice saying "This is the way; walk in it."
"I have plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future."
"I will never leave you nor forsake you."